Taking Responsibility: For My Own Healing and Sense Of Self Worth

I am starting a more proactive approach to work, in that I am going to do something, which, for me, is practically unheard of.

Normally, in the back of my mind, I always maintain, by choice, a 'seed of doubt' about my abilities to find and keep the actual type of job I want (within my abilities).

This translates to a personal, internalized, belief structure that ends up as this:

"Ultimately, no matter how much you plan, how hard you work, how intense your desire--anything!--you will, always and forever, never have exactly what you plan for, what you desire, or what you hope for!"

I have identified this annoying aspect of my non-physical, internal thought structure, and have decided it has outlived its "usefulness."

I am about to spiritually dismantle this thought structure, tearing it apart, non-physical molecule by non-physical molecule, if necessary, until what remains is non-physical, mentational, background noise.

I've had enough! I get tired of what I have come to implement as the "Obligatory Self-Bashing," every time I quit, or lose, a job, fail at a college attempt, or have issues with close relationships.

Worrying about what other people think of me is also among those thoughts.

When I was young, my family went camping in Northern Lower Michigan, and the Upper Peninsula of Michigan during the Summer.

During those sojourns, the other children I would, invariably, meet at the campgrounds--mostly state parks, especially Aloha, on Mullet Lake--never judged me, or thought ill of me in any way.

Also with the adults I met.

There was a simplicity among campers, an attitude of congeniality, and helpfulness, that permeated the parks, and that translates into something with which I need to reacquaint myself.

I moved to South Dakota and the Black Hills to de-stress, and to heal.

Captain of my own ship, Doctor of my own Soul.

It is time for the "physician" to heal himself.